In our home, Andy is the school parent. He does school emails, he does school parties. He does the calendar.
A few weeks ago Isaac missed a birthday party. Or rather, the party missed him - it had been moved last minute to a new location due to a punctured bouncy castle.
Andy had corresponded with the party parent (after showing up at the original location) and they were super apologetic. She had told the WhatsApp group and the parents at pick up, but apparently we weren't at pick up on that day, and neither Andy or I have WhatsApp.
At pick up, I heard someone asking for Isaac. It was the party parent. She had brought sweets as an apology. I assured her there was no problem and told her we're not on Whatsapp. "Oh - WhatsApp is easy and can be good for getting information like school dress day" she said.
"Yes, but Andy doesn't have it, and I don't want it because I'll become default parent with lots of messages" I said, before realising that was akin to saying "I don't want to hear from you". Embarrassed, but apparently unable to stop digging, I then doubled down and said "And I don't really do school stuff, that's really Andy. I don't even usually do pick up, I'm just here to get a break from my 5 month old twins"
So there was a pause, and she was super nice, and we chatted a bit more, but I still feel like a rather big A**hole.
To alleviate my feelings I played a gender reverse game. What if a Dad was there and said "Oh we don't use WhatsApp, and all this school stuff is really my wife's thing. I'm not even into doing this pickup, just here to help out you know??"
Yes, he would sound like a bit of a useless dude, but it wouldn't be a shocking reveal.
I felt bad about my comments in the evening and thought about texting the parent to say thanks for the sweets... but then I decided that there had been enough texting. She seemed really nice. I don't do school stuff. I don't want to do school stuff. I don't like doing long form texting without having a specific social or real life meet-up in mind. So I left it and told Isaac to thank the child for the sweets.
Perhaps as a parent it seems odd to not be on WhatsApp - perhaps my kid is missing out on lots of birthday parties and perhaps he wouldn't have accidentally worn a uniform on non-uniform days if we were on the platform.
But I would also have more messages, more parent things, more social things, more birthdays. I would know people I don't need to. I would have more reasons to touch my phone.
I thought about a Jehovas Witness who was in school with me. He didn't celebrate birthdays or halloween. We all thought "how sad he doesn't get these holidays!". But I doubt he experienced life that way. Perhaps the parents on WhatsApp think it's sad Isaac misses things. I don't currently have a need for more things. Our weekends are full. Our weeks are full. We put reminders in the calendar for uniform days... or we miss them.
If we someday decide we need more things, more reminders, we can join Whatsapp. For now, more is not better. More is more. Right now, we have enough.